Mighty to Save

My God IS in fact mighty to save.

I've decided that God being mighty to save does not only mean He can save my soul and save me from my sin. God can save all things. This morning I had to trust God to save and heal my heart and some broken relationships. Even though I often feel like my feelings are too scarred and the situation has gone too far for it to ever be healed and well again. But this morning I remembered that MY God is mighty to save, and that includes MY personal hurt feelings and broken relationships.

So this morning God helped me to be brave.

And now I'm going to lean on him all the way through and this relationship will be healed.

And I'm going to pray for even more courage to fix the others.

Thank you God for making me want to be brave. And for always being mighty to save.

My death.

This summer homework will be the death of me. I just know it. I have to keep a three part journal for each chapter of Walden which is basically just some guys ideas and thoughts. His journal I think.

But there's 17 chapters. I have 12 days. This just isn't good.

I know I get easily stressed. But this is insane.

It's called summer BREAK. Am I wrong? I've been stressing over this homework since the day it was assigned (the last day of school. So that was ruined too.) because I knew just how full my summer was, without considering the time I wanted to spend with friends. And now that I'm finally home, and still busy, I get to worry about it a hundred times more because school starts in less than two weeks.

I'm 16. I'm supposed to be enjoying life. Enjoying my summer. I've always looked forward to being 16 and having a fun summer with all my friends and freedom. But no. My childhood dreams (well just one, tiny one) are ruined.

I just wanted to put that out there. I'm not just saying this to be negative, for one I just really needed some place to vent. Because all my friends disappeared into thin air. And I don't know. So I'm really sorry if your offended by my complaining. Nothing I can really do about that.

And I just really could use a lot of prayer right now. I don't know how I'm going to get through this.

One of my more nasty experiences.

So there were a few things that most people would consider nasty that I experienced while I was in Aguascalientes. And I thought you would be amused by some of them. So I'm just going to take one straight out of my journal word for word. And I'm putting all shame aside for a while. haha.

Just to give you some context this was the day of our big outreach event. And we had it in a tiny town and the event was on the basketball court of an elementary school. And at this point we had already been out there for awhile. Maybe an hour. And Jessica and I had just gotten done playing with some little kids while we were just waiting around.

Saturday 7.10.10

"After that (playing with the kids) we all had to pee REALLY bad. But we didn't want to go behind the school and there were no other bathrooms available at the school. So finally we convinced Andrea to drive some of us girls around town to look for a bathroom. We FINALLY, after asking like five other people, found one at a small ice cream shop. It was the NASTIEST thing I've ever peed in. It was in the back corner of this one room shop, and the two walls that formed the TINY room didn't go up all the way to the ceiling. And when I walked, i mean ducked, in I found out why. There was no other light source. So this TINSY tiny 'bathroom' was almost totally dark. It was so scary. And there were so many flies everywhere. There was only a curtain for the door, and you had to duck under a pipe to be able to sit down on this moldy looking toilet. And this toilet didn't flush. So maybe it's a good thing that it was dark. It was so gross. And there was no toilet paper, just napkins. But I'll take the napkins, it's better than nothing!

I'm amazed at people's generosity here. Even though these people didn't have much of a bathroom, they still offered it to five girls. I would think that most people would be too embarrassed by that bathroom to let even strangers use it. I just love the friendliness and hospitality of the Mexican people. And us girls learned our lesson to just use the 'bathroom' available. Because in the end, going behind the school wouldn't have been nearly as gross."

Love.

"DO everything out of LOVE" is just one thing I'm really going to take away from my YCEW (Youth Challenged to Expand their Worldview) trip to Aguascalientes. Everything we did and every feeling I felt and just everything about the trip can be traced back to love.

I learned a lot about love. And I'm not talking about the mushy romantic kind. And I learned most of what I did about love through my amazing team. Amazing doesn't even really cover you guys. So here's a little something for you. (:


Dear best team ever,
(Shreela, Jessica, Stevie, Melynda, Mark, Tim, David, Lucas, Jon, and Colleen)

First off. I love you guys. I love each and every one of you for more than just the fact that I spent a month with you and sharing some once in a lifetime experiences with you. You are all amazing and genuine people. And I also love you as a group, I never want to forget the community we built and that I got to be a part of.

Being with you ten wonderful people taught me so much, and filled a huge empty space in my heart. I thought I had known what it felt like to be accepted and loved as a person. But what I thought I knew was totally wrong. When I'm with you guys I feel loved and valued for who I really am. I don't have to put on faces or act like something I'm not or I don't want to be right then. And you never pushed me away. I was never once torn down, or mistreated in a way that ruined my day.

What I experienced as far as group settings go, I've always had bad luck. And I almost didn't apply for YCEW because in my mind being in a group of other people meant that I was going to get hurt and it wasn't going to be a safe environment for me personally. And oh boy was I wrong. I'm so glad I didn't let that hold me back, because my experience with you was the complete opposite.

I remember vividly May 14, 2010. I was so nervous to be with you all. Spending a weekend with ten other people and no way to get out scared me. I'm not going to lie. But I vividly remember walking in the heat across the Fred Meyer's parking lot to the van where the rest of you were standing and waiting for Shreela, Melynda, and I. I remember being so nervous to have to talk to you guys. Talking was never a god experience for me. And then everyone greeted us so warmly and it was so genuine. And I felt a ton better. And I remember going to bed that night with the weirdest feeling, I was happy and at peace. It was new, but I loved it. And I don't think I have ever laughed so much with other people than I did with you guys, even in just our first evening together.

And then we all went to Aguascalientes together. And I didn't want to be with anyone else. I can't think of any single person I would have rather been there with me and on our team than any of you. I mean that from way deep in my heart. I wouldn't trade my team for anything. You really did show me what it felt like to be 100% accepted, ALWAYS brought up rather than being torn down or just ignored. You showed me unconditional love. I am forever changed from this trip. God did the work in me, but I truly believe he did so much of it through the ten of you.

The way I think of myself is so much better. And I went from feeling like I had SO few true friends, and having over ten. You did much more than just bring me joy through laughter and killing each other in Mafia! (:

I love you guys. You're one of the best gifts I've ever received. I can see God so evidently in each one of you. And I know it was God that brought us together as a team and used us to build each other up. God is so amazing. And the last month I have thanked him daily for you. So if you guys ever need anything you have a life long friend in me, and some of you a little sister too!

With all my love,
Lyssa

The sunrise? Well this is new

So today I'm dog sitting for my neighbors. And all I have to do really is go over there every once and a while and check on her. It's not hard, but they were leaving at 5:30 this morning, and wanted me to be there when we left. Yeah, I wasn't too happy about that, I'm not a morning person.

So i stayed for about twenty minutes after they left and then walked ALL the way home (it's just across the street. haha). But when I left the house it was about six, so the sun had risen just a few minutes before.

And before I tell you just how great it was, you need to know that I LOVE sunsets. They're so beautiful. To me, it's a picture God made JUST for me! And it gives me warm fuzzies. Each one is different and so gorgeous. They get me pretty excited, and it's pretty funny, so I've been told.

So I walked out the back gate (I'm sure I look like a creeper going in and out through the back gate all morning and the sky was just beautiful. And not just in one little part of the sky, brilliant pink and vibrant orange bled through the clouds all around me. And so I spun a couple circles in the middle of the road looking at it all. I'm sure I looked like a weirdie, but I don't really care. I loved it.

So it made getting up at an ungodly hour somewhat worth it. And I know I'm helping my neighbors, which is all good too. But I loved seeing the sunrise, I don't see them very often, cause I'm always sleeping! I wonder if they're always that beautiful in the morning... I wouldn't know (: But even if they are always just like that one, I loved it and I'm thanking God for making it just for me to see!

Psalm 62:5-6

Psalm 62:5-6 is definitely one of my favorites. I just love it.

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from him.

He alone is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.

The whole 62nd Psalm is so great, but I love this part especially. It means a few different things.

First off, it's tied to some really great memories. Psalm 62:2 was the Girls on The Rock bible study group's verse. And I loved the verse, and it just so happens to be exactly the same as verse 6. I loved that group, and it has some really really great memories with it. But then a few years after we stopped having Girls on the Rock, I came across Psalm 62. I read it, and loved it. And then after thinking about it for a few minutes I realized where I had read that verse before, and it became all the more special.

I just love what it says. It gives me a lot of hope and warm fuzzies. I have a place to rest and I have a rock through EVERYTHING! It's just so amazing! This verse applies through the good times and the bad. When things are going great, it's just kinda saying to me this is the reason you're so happy and if anything happens, it's not the end of the world. I'll be ok. And then in the hard times, it gives me hope for the future, and it makes me feel a whole lot better about where I'm at. I have a place to get away from it all, and that place is God, and He will ALWAYS be there.

So not matter what, I have a resting place, hope, and a rock and everlasting foundation. I'm set for life, and the rest of forever.

Something to think about

So enough about me. There's something that I've been thinking a lot about lately. And I wanna get it out. It's important to me. So here it goes. Take this how you will.

Don't call the fat girl fat.

I'm not just talking about girls, all people who struggle with their weight. It's not really something one can fully understand except through personal experience. But people go about it totally the wrong way. And it kills me.

First off. When I say don't call the fat girl fat, I mean it. People don't need other people telling them what's wrong with them, especially something that's obvious. I'm pretty sure that (well, I KNOW) that overweight people are aware of how they look. It's not a secret to them, we have to look at it all the time. WE DON'T NEED SOMEONE TO COME AND TELL US WHAT'S WRONG. We know. Overweight people aren't just blindly going about life, and you pointing out their problem isn't going to help or suddenly turn their life around or whatever you were trying to accomplish by calling the fat girl fat.

One way to think about it is if someone just came up to you and said hey, you have a nose. I'm sure you're just thinking well yeah, duh. That'd be stupid. When it's put like that though, it's just kinda like saying something to an overweight person about their weight, it's a part of them that they are well aware of. Just like something like anyone's nose. Make sense?

To be honest, it kills when someone says things like "It's because your fat." or "I see why your overweight." Sure, you may be trying to encourage them to change. But that's NOT the way to do it. And if your someone who is perpetually skinny, or simply has never had a battle with weight, we do NOT want to hear it from you. You don't understand, it's nothing against you personally, it's just you have to place to try and understand and try to be our savior.

I think for me, this is because being overweight goes much much much MUCH deeper than a physical problem. There is a deep, dark emotional part to it. And if you've never been there, you just don't know completely what I'm talking about. There needs to be some emotional understanding and encouragement for someone. And calling the fat girl fat just adds to it all.

If you think you want to help someone who has a weight problem, it's a sticky situation. And it's hard to know what to do. And there will most likely be hurt, not always because the issue was gone about wrong, it's just an emotional and touchy subject. But it's something that the person having a problem should bring up. At least through the way I see it. Unless it's a serious threat to someone to keep going the way they are, wait for the subject to be brought up, rather than trying to instigate the conversation right off. Just let it happen. You might have to be patient.

There are several different ways to tell someone they're fat. Really, sure it's something thats joked about, but it's true. And there are things that I don't think people should tell people, because it's calling the fat girl fat. Like saying "hey, I know you need to lose some weight, so I'll exercise with you." That's saying "Hey, you're fat, and I'm going to help you because you're also too weak and not motivated to do it on your own, but I am." And just don't joke about someone's weight. Cause it's still hurtful, even if you don't mean it to be, and you are really just joking.

So try being supportive. And I know several people that would love to be treated as if they weren't overweight, and treated just like everyone else. It would be a real dream come true. When someone feels safe and accepted, then who knows, they could feel ok about talking about their problem. Then some real support can happen.

See what I'm sayin? If not, I guess that's alright. Take it how it is. Or we can even talk. Whatever. Take what I said into consideration, or just drop it. Whatever.

Just do me a favor... and don't call the fat girl fat. Please and thank you.

I've come to the conclusion...

My mind is always racing. It never stops. I know it's this way for everyone. But I have so many opinions about everything. And I want to put them all out there. So I've come to the conclusion that I'm going to pick up my blog again and run.

Judge me all you want. I'm trying to get over that. And I guess part of putting yourself and your opinions out there and being judged for them is just a part of life. It's hard for me, but I can't change human nature. I can't change the fact that not everyone feels the same way about everything. And I know that. Just don't tear me down for what I say, that's all I ask.

So take the things I say and do what you wish. Take it in and think about it, act on it, read it and forget it, or argue against it. Your choice. This is mostly something I think I want to do for me. But I'd love it if people could see me for who I am a little better. I always feel misread and misunderstood. It's basically the story of my life.

For my first new post. I wanna talk about who I am. There's a personality test that nails me really well. It's called the Myers-Briggs. (I think). And it's divided into four different parts of a personality. Where you get your energy, how you see things, how you handle things, and stuff like that.

So basically how that typing system works is the end result is a combination of four different letters. Mine is INFP. Each letter standing for something different. There are only two different possibilities for each of them, but when they are put together it nails most people very well. To start off I'll just list what each of my letters mean, and explain each.

I - Introvert
N -Intuitive
F - Feeler
P - Preceiver

Introversion is something that is always misunderstood. It doesn't mean I'm just completely shy and keep to myself and hate people. NO! Not at all. Whether you are an introvert or an extrovert is determined mainly by where you get your energy. Being an introvert is a huge part of ME. Here are some characteristics of the typical introvert: Think before you speak (and which others would do the same), enjoy time to yourself, are perceived as a good listener, are often classified as shy, reserved, would rather spend time with one person or only a few people, like stating thoughts and feelings without being interrupted (I think thats why blogging that kind of thing is appealing to me!), need to "recharge" alone after you've spent time socializing with a group.

So I hope thats understandable. I know for people that don't understand how introverted people tick we come across in a very negative way. So I'm hoping to start setting the record straight. (:

I feel like this is getting super long, and the other three parts I don't really have to explain as much. So, the next one is intuition. This one is how you gather data, you can either be a sensor, how likes specific answers, concrete instructions, and hard facts, etc. or you can be Intuitive. People who are intuitive think about several things all the time and at once, are accused of being absentminded, more excited about where your going than where you are, give general answers, don't like "boring details", like analogies, and often ask "what does this mean?" And one more thats totally me, you get irritated when people ask a lot of questions and push for specific details. Ok. I think you get it, but I'm totally intuitive. So I hope that explains a lot too.

The next is that I'm a feeler rather than a thinker when it comes to decisions. Some characteristics of a feeler are... good decisions take others' feelings into account, feel that love can not be defined, are willing to overextend yourself to meet others' needs, people take advantage of you, consider how things will affect other people, often accused of taking things too personally, and prefer harmony over clarity. Things like that (:

In the type of lifestyle, I am a preceiver rather than a judger. People who are preceivers are.... easily distracted, love to explore new things, don't plan tasks but what to see what it demands, people accuse you of being disorganized, depend on last minute spurts of energy to meet deadlines but always make the deadline even if you drive everyone else crazy, what's important is creativity, spontaneity, etc. turns most work into play, change the subject often and at random, don't like to be pinned down about most things you'd rather keep your options open, and stuff like that. (:

So thats basically me. When they are all put together it tells a lot more, like INFP is considered the healer. But I won't go into that right now, this is so long, and I'm sure you're just bored to tears. But I just want to be understood. It's important to me.

Guess what!

I discovered the other day just how great classical music is. Especially classical piano. There's a lot of emotion without having to have any words! You put your own personal meaning into it. It's so great.

Haven't writen on here in a long time. Sorry! I've been super busy with school and everything.

(:

If you haven't listened to the new Switchfoot CD, Hello Huricane, you should. It's pretty great! One of my favorites is Your Love is a Song.


Just thought you should know! (: